Kurt Vonnegut didn’t just write novels—he dropped literary truth bombs with the precision of a war veteran and the sarcasm of someone who’s seen one too many pointless meetings. His humor was dry, his wit was razor-sharp, and his commentary on humanity was as hilariously honest as it was painfully accurate.
This post brings together 80+ Kurt Vonnegut quotes that showcase his signature style: funny, cynical, and so insightful they might just make you question your own existence… in the best way possible. Prepare to laugh, smirk, and mutter “so it goes” a few dozen times.
1. On Life’s Absurdity
- “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.”
- “Life is no way to treat an animal.”
- “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
- “History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again.”
- “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. And you still forgot them.”
- “Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.”
- “The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.”
- “So it goes.”
- “Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.”
- “Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Except taxes.”
2. On Humanity and Society
- “We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.”
- “Being a humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.”
- “Human beings will be happier—not when they cure cancer or get to Mars—but when they find new ways to laugh at themselves.”
- “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
- “Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists.”
- “The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms.”
- “People don’t come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.”
- “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
- “Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.”
- “Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.”
3. On War and Peace
- “I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.”
- “If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.”
- “The only way to win a war is to be too dead to lose.”
- “I’ve seen wars. I’ve seen what they do. Not interested in your patriotic slogans.”
- “You hate America, don’t you?” “That would be impossible. I love root beer.”
- “We could have saved it, but we were too damn cheap.”
- “In case you’re wondering: War sucks.”
- “You know what the truth is? It’s some crazy thing we made up in the name of national defense.”
- “No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks they have a righteous cause.”
- “My soul was removed to make room for a flag.”
4. On Writing and Creativity
- “We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”
- “Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.”
- “The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable.”
- “Writing is an act of hope. It’s a chance to make something better, or at least weirder.”
- “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.”
- “Don’t ramble, though. Be brief. Keep it tight. Like you’re trying to finish a sentence before your drink kicks in.”
- “To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow.”
- “Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.”
- “The purpose of writing is to make your grandmother uncomfortable.”
- “Your job as a writer is to sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
5. On Death and the Inevitable
- “Of course it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn’t meant to be reasonable.”
- “So it goes.”
- “We are all just one bad day away from being a cautionary tale.”
- “If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: The only proof he needed for the existence of God was music.”
- “Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”
- “We’re here briefly. So make it weird.”
- “The good die young. The rest of us write novels.”
- “I wanted all things to seem to make some sense, so we could all be happy. Yes, instead of all the dumb things we are.”
- “You were sick, but now you’re well again, and there’s work to do.”
- “Here is a lesson in creative writing: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.”
6. On Love and Relationships
- “A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.”
- “Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.”
- “Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no one trusted it.”
- “If someone tells you they love you, believe them. Unless they also tell you they write screenplays.”
- “I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all—especially in dating.”
- “Don’t expect someone to be your everything. Be your own damn universe.”
- “Love is the only game where two can play and both lose sleep.”
- “I’ve been in love. It’s like being hit by a bus you saw coming.”
- “The only proof of love is how annoying you’re willing to be and still stay.”
- “Love is patient, sarcastic, and bad at texting back.”
7. On Technology and Modern Life
- “We are here on Earth to fart around. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise—even if they have Wi-Fi.”
- “I tell you, we are programmed to be stupid. And then we invent machines to prove it.”
- “Technology is just stuff that doesn’t work yet.”
- “The computer is mightier than the sword, but also crashes more.”
- “Even a banana has better customer service than most corporations.”
- “Progress? You mean digital confusion with faster loading screens?”
- “I miss the good old days when we only feared microwaves and the Soviets.”
- “Technology doesn’t solve problems. It creates them—then solves slightly fewer.”
- “We made devices to connect. Then used them to avoid each other.”
- “I invented nothing. But I questioned everything. Including your software update.”
8. On Satirical Life Lessons
- “Live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.”
- “There’s only one rule I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
- “You are free to do as we tell you.”
- “Be careful who you pretend to be. Especially if you’re doing it on a résumé.”
- “Most people are about as happy as they decide to be. Or they run out of cereal.”
- “Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Unless they bring tacos.”
- “We are what we pretend to be, so maybe pretend to be happy for a bit?”
- “Why do people kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?”
- “Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Just make sure you’re the kind of fool worth quoting.”
- “There is no order in the universe, only priorities and snacks.”
Conclusion
Kurt Vonnegut didn’t offer the polished wisdom of a self-help guru or the polite musings of a motivational speaker. What he gave us was something better—honest, hilarious, deeply human reflections that cut through nonsense with a laugh and a nudge. These Kurt Vonnegut quotes are reminders that even in absurdity, there’s truth. And sometimes, in truth, there’s room for a grin.
Which of these quotes made you laugh, think, or mutter “so it goes” under your breath? Share your favorites in the comments, send one to your favorite bookworm, or revisit this post whenever you need a dose of cynical comfort.