When the days get shorter and the sweaters come out, a little humor goes a long way. December is filled with holiday stress, awkward family gatherings, and freezing mornings—but also with moments of laughter that make it all worthwhile.
This collection of short funny December quotes is here to warm your heart and make you smile. With a mix of witty one-liners, sarcastic truths, and playful observations about the winter season, you’ll find something that hits close to home (and makes you chuckle).
So grab your hot cocoa, get cozy, and enjoy these quotes that prove winter isn’t all bad—it’s just really, really cold.
1. Winter Struggles
- “The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.” – Dave Barry
- “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” – Carl Reiner
- “Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Get inside!’” – Bill Watterson
- “Winter is like a house guest who stays too long.” – Mae West
- “Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.” – Bill Watterson
- “My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.” – Sarah Kelly
- “Nothing burns like the cold.” – George R.R. Martin
- “Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition.” – Mignon McLaughlin
- “Winter is a state of mind. As in, don’t mind if I have another cup of hot cocoa.” – Unknown
- “I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.” – Bill Watterson
2. Holiday Humor
- “Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
- “There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard.” – Dan Florence
- “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
- “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Rainbow Rowell
- “December: the month where your bank account and patience go to zero.” – Unknown
- “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
- “If you don’t believe in Santa, you get underwear.” – Unknown
- “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.” – Unknown
3. Cold Weather Complaints
- “It’s so cold, I saw a snowman wearing a coat.” – Unknown
- “My heating bill is basically a ransom note.” – Unknown
- “Cold hands, warm heart… still grumpy though.” – Unknown
- “Is it too late to be snowed in for the rest of the month?” – Unknown
- “Why does it feel like December lasts for 100 days?” – Unknown
- “You know it’s December when your car becomes a freezer.” – Unknown
- “I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope for the best.” – Unknown
4. Sarcastic December Truths
- “It is December, and nobody asked if I was ready.” – Sarah Kay
- “December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.” – Mark Twain
- “December: when your fridge is full but somehow there’s still nothing to eat.” – Unknown
- “Holiday cheer? I barely have holiday patience.” – Unknown
- “December makes me feel like I forgot to do something important… like all of my holiday shopping.” – Unknown
- “It’s all fun and games until someone eats the last cookie.” – Unknown
5. Christmas Chaos
- “Christmas: the time of year when everyone suddenly becomes a gourmet chef and a wrapping expert.” – Unknown
- “Nothing says Christmas like hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of peace.” – Unknown
- “‘Silent Night’ must have been written before kids were invented.” – Unknown
- “I decorate like Martha Stewart. If she were blindfolded and running late.” – Unknown
- “Dear Santa, define ‘good.’” – Unknown
- “Wrapping paper: where your dignity goes to die.” – Unknown
- “The best part of Christmas is not having to wear real pants.” – Unknown
6. Funny Takes on Snow
- “Snow: beautiful until you have to shovel it.” – Unknown
- “There should be a law against snow after Christmas.” – Unknown
- “First snow is magical. Second snow is annoying. Third snow is why I moved south.” – Unknown
- “Snow days: when kids celebrate and adults cry.” – Unknown
- “Shoveling snow builds character. And back pain.” – Unknown
- “The only flakes I like are in my cereal.” – Unknown
7. Holiday Food Funnies
- “Calories don’t count in December. I read it on the internet.” – Unknown
- “Christmas cookies are basically a love language.” – Unknown
- “The only crunch I like in December is from cookies.” – Unknown
- “I’m not saying I overate, but I just heard my sweatpants sigh.” – Unknown
- “My December diet is called ‘yes, please.’” – Unknown
- “Eat, drink, and be merry… then repeat until January.” – Unknown
8. Family and Gatherings
- “Nothing brings a family closer than arguing over board games.” – Unknown
- “Home for the holidays: where the Wi-Fi connects automatically, and the drama is preheated.” – Unknown
- “Family gatherings: where your opinions go to die.” – Unknown
- “Ah yes, nothing says love like passive-aggressive comments over pie.” – Unknown
- “Remember: if you can’t say something nice, sit next to me at dinner.” – Unknown
- “Some people count calories, I count relatives I’m avoiding.” – Unknown
9. New Year is Coming
- “December: the Friday of months. Fun, chaotic, and ends in a blur.” – Unknown
- “This December, let’s pretend we have our lives together before the new year hits.” – Unknown
- “December is just a reminder that another year has passed and we’re still winging it.” – Unknown
- “New year, same me… just colder.” – Unknown
- “The only resolution I have is to make it to January without snapping.” – Unknown
10. Random December Chuckles
- “You know it’s December when your coffee needs coffee.” – Unknown
- “Winter fashion: where you wear 5 layers and still feel cold.” – Unknown
- “December: the month when everyone pretends to like eggnog.” – Unknown
- “I dream of a white Christmas… but if the white runs out, I’ll drink red.” – Unknown
- “Sweater weather? More like I-can’t-feel-my-face weather.” – Unknown
- “This December, my goals are: survive, stay warm, and eat all the cookies.” – Unknown
Conclusion
December can be cold, chaotic, and a little overwhelming—but it’s also a time for laughter. These short funny December quotes remind us not to take things too seriously and to find joy in the little moments (even when we’re freezing our toes off).
Whether you related to the snow complaints, holiday chaos, or just love a good sarcastic one-liner, there’s something here for everyone. Share your favorite quote with a friend, drop your own in the comments, or bookmark this page for the next time you need a laugh in the middle of winter.